Silly rabbit.

Do you ever feel like you're the only person in the world that feels a certain sadness about life? That everything you are working for is mundane and lifeless?

I've been feeling this dull, far-off sense of discontent of late. Don't get me wrong; I'm happy. It's something beyond my happiness. It's tied in more with my purpose, my reason for existence. I have not always been happy, truly internally happy.

People say, if you're happy and you know it......you know, that stuff. But the understanding of happiness as I observe it is tied to externals; the circumstantial and is somewhat limited. What if happiness is a conglomeration of your desires, wants, needs, your relationships with others. Our western minimalization of emotions is maddeningly frustrating. I am subject to this as well, as I've often caught myself telling people how they feel and limiting it to a simple emotion (i.e. anger, sadness, happiness).

Maybe the way we feel is a result of all the aforementioned things and our assessment of them and our desired and experienced response. By 'desired and experienced response' I mean the multiple expressions we could possibly have and the one we ultimately express. The expression is not ultimately indicative of how we feel on the inside, but it gives others an inkling to what's going on inside.

Tied along with this, I had a thought the other day, and it scared me to death. I saw myself in light of the things I've wanted to do. I experienced this underlying sense of discontent, as I mentioned before. As if some of the the choices I've made in life, were incongruent with a different version of me.

The me I'm supposed to be.

Destiny is a tricky subject. The idea that you don't get to choose your path is a very uneasy thought for many people. But what if I continually disobey/ignore/berate the voices that tell speak the words of who I'm supposed to be in favor of my own happiness or present circumstances.

I guess what this is hopefully doing is better (or at least more fully) explaining the way I feel right now.

There you go. Confusion Central.

I'm not alone in this world.

Read this - Check out Annie's Blog

In related news - Jesus was an Extrovert? 

Who knew?