Tally ho!!!

So last night I drove to Ridgway. About 20 miles from Montrose. It's a short jaunt. I drove there to visit my brother and his newly betrothed wife, Annie. Annie was at work for most of the evening, so Justin and I had dinner and watched a movie. It was good and different seeing him.

It's weird seeing my brother in this new light. I realize nothing has changed, save for the ring on his finger. I can't begin to fathom what it must be like to have a person in your life nearly 24/7, but it's an adjustment for family too. I have a sister. My little bro doesn't live in the same house anymore. He has a new place of his own (which is actually a first for him anyways) and a new life to boot.

I am so proud and happy for my new brother and sister-in-law. They look so happy together and have been even before the marriage. They are the kind of couple you root for. They are the ones you know are going to last. And I know Justin. He's not a quitter. Stubborn as the day he was born, the last thing he would allow is an ending to his marriage. Annie is the same as well, only sweeter and less rough around the edges.

Here's to a new life Justin and Annie.

Sometimes I Wanna Be The Car Crash, Not Always Just a Traffic Jam......

L.G. Fuad by Motion City Soundtrack

Let's get f***** up and die
I'm speaking figuratively of course
Like the last time I committed suicide...
Social suicide
Yeah so I'm already dead on the inside
But I can still pretend.
With my memories and photographs
I have learn to love the lie

I wanna know what its like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I wanna know what feels like to be useful and pertinent and have common sense, yeah.
Let me in, let me in to the club cause I wanna belong
And I need to get strong
And if memory serves I'm addicted to words and they're useless.

(In this department)
Let's get f***** up and die.
I'm riding hard on the last lines of every lie.
And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode.
I'm about to explode.
I'm a mess, I'm a wreck.
On the inside but I have learned to accept
All my problems and shortcomings
Cause I'm so visceral, and deeply inept.

I wanna be a part of you forget-me-nots and marigolds.
And all the things that don't get old;
Is it legal to do this, I surely don't know.
It's the only way I have learn to accept myself through other people's descriptions of life...
I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless....

(In this department)
Let's get f***** up and die.
For the last time with feeling we'll try hard not to smile.
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights that still shock and surprise.
I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end.
But I chose to abuse for the time being,
maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die.

Sister soldier
You’ve been such a positive influence on my mental frame
If I could ever repay you,
I would, but I'm hard up for cash
And my memory lacks initiative.

God damn the liquor store's closed,
we were so close to scoring
it hurts, it destroys 'til it kills..
I am tired and hungry and totally useless.
(In this department)

-----------------------------------

For those of you who have lasted this long, I thank you. This song, however crude and invasive the lyrics may seem, they describe the last 8 hours of my life.

It is the last song on a mix CD I created this last summer in California before driving back to Colorado after my DTS in Salem, OR. I have had this CD in my car all day today, and the song feels appropriate, given my evening's events. With the New Year freshly arrived, I wanted to take this blog to bring these lyrics into perspective.

Without being overly revealing for the sake of modesty, I will say that this song represents the beginning of 2008. It's a song that describes how the absurdity with which one can pursue the things that hurt. The hormones that take over and the vices that can rule a person's life. Drinking, sex, approval; each of these things I have pursued in the last 8 hours.

Its funny that God can reach a person however He wants to. Whether its through a revealing self-consciousness masked in the pursuit of sexual satisfaction or drinking oneself into a stupor for that affirmation and acceptance from others. Humility and reality invade whether it be through an attempt of a benevolent God's protection or a statistical improbability.

I ask that you don't condemn me or abhor the things I talk about. Everyone falls. To what degree is irrelevant. For it is not in the things that I have done that bring glory, but what happens despite my dumb choices. I just hope that God still loves me and that my liver is still working come tomorrow morning. Because I need it to digest fats and such.

Thank you God for redemption and your protection. Without it, I probably would decide to have die.

Here's to 2008. A New Year.

A hope for the future.

I've spent the last 3 days in muggy Nashville, TN. It's much like any other state east of the Rocky Mountains that I've been too: heat like an open oven and humidity you can actually eat.

This isn't about the weather in Nashville though.

Sorry.

I stayed with some old friends from Kansas City that used to live in CO that are from the International House of Prayer. There was also a group here from Montrose (all of them who I have oddly not seen for over 3 years even though they were less than an hour away). All of them I was heavily connected with back in high school. The majority of the people I met through my youth group, are mostly my age (so we're never short on good stories about each other) and all share a passion for God that excites me. 

They carry a good balance between fervent worship and a good joke. I appreciate that about them. And they are super nice. One of the guys in the group is a good 10 years older than me, but every time I see this man, I smile. I also got to see The Berry's (if you ever get a chance to meet this couple, do. awesome couple). Ted gave me a big hug after The Call was over last night (I'll have another blog about the call later). I also met some new friends that I hope to continue with when we get back to CO. 

It was good to see them all.

As I go further along in my life, I realize how much I cherish the friendships that I have made, even when I don't see them for years. It gives me a hope about my life, that I am appreciated and valid to others. In this post-DTS world I live in, experiences like this weekend show me that life continues and that God cares tremendously about us. He wants us to stay connected with the people we love; even more than we do.