The lifeboat's sinking, but I can't seem to find the airhole. Got any gum?

What do you think is more important in life, having something to live for or having something to die for?

Tonight at work I had what I refer to cheekily as "The Moneymaker". Kids threatening to destroy you, rebellion, inappropriateness; not to mention, all from the same kid. The job in which I work has a fairly high employee turnover rate and is a fairly thankless job. I once had a kid tell me that 'you staff don't care about us, all you care about is the money'.

The fact that I don't get paid nearly in kind for the poo I have to put up with, that statement hurts a bit.

I go to work everyday and listen to the kids rail on about how we're stupid and uncaring and essentially the spawn of Satan. The irony of it all is that when I say to the kid, "Do your chore", I'm really trying to give him a skill that he can use for the rest of his life, and is in turn being the object of his own demise and thus, the very thing he is seeking not to be.

And I see this now as the nature of the job. For some reason, and I am developing this ship-shoddily at best; I am not ok with this.

I have come to realize that I am the kind of guy that likes to wear his heart on his sleeve. It's a slow, painful process but it is who I have come to recognize myself as. It hurts when people are mean to me. I can't hide my hurt for too long, otherwise I metaphysically, spiritually implode. It throws my entire life off balance.

Yet the comforting thing about all of this, is that it makes me feel alive. Causes me to ask questions like, if I had all the money in the world, what would I do with it? If working a job was not necessary, what would I do? What's better, living to die or to dying to live?

I think my next order of business is to become the pope.

And I'm not being facetious. I need a change of scenery.