Three weddings and my funeral.

I have been to 3 weddings this summer. I have seen my younger brother married off, a friend from college and later today, a cousin. And at each of them I have slowly been growing more unhappy with my un-marriedness.

I have had friends and family both have noted the fact that marriage is a lot of work; it's not all kisses and smiles.

I get that.

I have had relationships in my past where the last thing I want to do is love the person standing in front of me. I have been so in love with a person to where I thought I could have stood in front of a bullet for them.

I get it. It's work. It's pain. It's sacrifice. It's compromise. But most importantly, it's love. In all its hideous beauty.

Perhaps I just want someone to be with. Yet, I don't. I want someone to wake up to every morning. Someone who loves me for me, but desires me to become something more. A person with whom I can share my highest highs and my lowest lows.

All that crap.