Crazy tunnels.

I think I may have found an explanation for Bipolar disorder here and here.

I'm just sayin'.

Shackles and a reversal.

I'm tired of writing words about the profound and new
There's nothing I could tell you about the world that would make your brows spur
I heard a kid say the other day that he's found a way to be
Without pretense and innocence yet maintain their state.
I thought to myself this must be a dream 'an imitation please?'
Then I sat myself right down in that chair and remembered......

It was me that spoke those words to a man twice my age
I told him he was unfair to think that there's nothing new about this place.
I've seen the world in all its glory at my tender young age
But then he showed me something that was beautiful and tame.
I said what is this thing you have and why hasn't the world seen?
He said because fear makes a man grow cold and his disbelief his safety.

And is there freedom in the shackles?
Is there life if all I have to give is it?
And do I need to be alone to give it all away?


And the man he told me "Hey, it's not a simple feat"
To turn around and let it be a lifestyle one craves.
It's a habit of making the unnatural a rehearsed natural state.
This thing is not a hobby, craze or passing phase
It'll take everything away from you, leave you broken and abused
But I can promise you there's nothing more that I want than to hear it sayed

You've done something beautiful, you changed your set ways
Yet it was not of your own doing, it was parleyed for you in chains.
For in this unnatural state you found a way to be
Completely overwhelmingly, a new created state
For all the things you've suffered in the words of my name
I'll give you a crown of glory and a place next to me.

So I take the chains quite happily for without them I suppose
I'd want to take my life within my hands and make it end in haste.
You took my life from me, in a way I couldn't see.
It scared me dearly actually and brought me to my knees.
But in this loss I found a needful thing
A new lease on life and piece of happy.

Three weddings and my funeral.

I have been to 3 weddings this summer. I have seen my younger brother married off, a friend from college and later today, a cousin. And at each of them I have slowly been growing more unhappy with my un-marriedness.

I have had friends and family both have noted the fact that marriage is a lot of work; it's not all kisses and smiles.

I get that.

I have had relationships in my past where the last thing I want to do is love the person standing in front of me. I have been so in love with a person to where I thought I could have stood in front of a bullet for them.

I get it. It's work. It's pain. It's sacrifice. It's compromise. But most importantly, it's love. In all its hideous beauty.

Perhaps I just want someone to be with. Yet, I don't. I want someone to wake up to every morning. Someone who loves me for me, but desires me to become something more. A person with whom I can share my highest highs and my lowest lows.

All that crap.

Aggravate.

So, I attempted to put an update in video format on here a few days ago, but ended up....well, not doing it. Turns out that my webcam (that's right. i can't afford a video camera) speeds up the video in its finished format, but the audio stayed the same. So you would have been getting about 5 minutes of seeing me speak and 7 minutes of me speaking.....

I'll figure this thing out yet. I think for the purposes of just getting it up, I will post audio in the next few days. For those of you who actually read this.

Thank you and good night.

A hoot.

I said in my previous post that I was hanging out with my brother, and we watched a movie. Said movie was named 'The Ice Pirates'. If you ever get the chance, go to a pawn shop or back alley video store and buy/rent - I recommend buying - The Ice Pirates. It's about the world where it's only prized commodity is Ice and the bad guys (The Templars) have total control over it. Bands of Ice Pirates, led by Robert Ulrich(80s actor...odd thing about this guy, I remember seeing him, but it was never anything I could rememeber), rise up to do what they do naturally; steal and pillage circa the 23rd century by way of 1984. Hilariousness and cheese abound.

It also has Ron Perlman (plays Hellboy, here in one of his first movie roles, whose character is strong, machismo Pirate by day, effeminate, seasoned cook by night), a really awkward and almost non-sequitur love scene (two words, Passion. Storm. Nuff said.), and Bruce Vilanch (this guy):


It was a hoot indeed.

Tally ho!!!

So last night I drove to Ridgway. About 20 miles from Montrose. It's a short jaunt. I drove there to visit my brother and his newly betrothed wife, Annie. Annie was at work for most of the evening, so Justin and I had dinner and watched a movie. It was good and different seeing him.

It's weird seeing my brother in this new light. I realize nothing has changed, save for the ring on his finger. I can't begin to fathom what it must be like to have a person in your life nearly 24/7, but it's an adjustment for family too. I have a sister. My little bro doesn't live in the same house anymore. He has a new place of his own (which is actually a first for him anyways) and a new life to boot.

I am so proud and happy for my new brother and sister-in-law. They look so happy together and have been even before the marriage. They are the kind of couple you root for. They are the ones you know are going to last. And I know Justin. He's not a quitter. Stubborn as the day he was born, the last thing he would allow is an ending to his marriage. Annie is the same as well, only sweeter and less rough around the edges.

Here's to a new life Justin and Annie.

Identity.

One of the issues a blogger deals with is their identity. Just like a tweener arriving at the age of 13, we have to begin to form what and who we are going to display to the world. In my 9000th attempt at a blog, I am encountering this issue.

Am I going to be fun? Contemplative? Whimsical? Goofy? Boring?

All of these words, plus a googleplex more I think through.

Any ideas?

Just kidding. This here in itself is an attempt at internet-image formulation. Feeling people out (if you actually read this, comments appreciated).

I imagine I look a bit like this:
So with time, effort, energy and persistence, I hope to look a little more along the lines of a charmingly handsome, funny, chiseled abs, quarterback for a notable football team.

Wow. I need help.